April 23, 2019


I really enjoy the glob of resin that occasionally forms in the neck of my bong.

My dear friend, Matthew:
I lament that you are bald,
but have you tried hats?

Fine Young Cannibals
had one or two catchy songs,
but their name was weird.

Elephants don’t care.
They will take your lunch money
and poop on your shoes.

Think of your fellow man.  Lend him a helping hand.  Put a little love in your heart.

And the world,

April Six

Bill, stomping around
Makes this stoner quite nervous.
Let me toke in peace.

A weaselly face.
A well carved out overbite.
The chinless wonder.

Chad is pretty cool
He has daughters and a wife
But still keeps it real

Big Carl keeps it real.
Chuck Norris calls him at home
When he needs some help.

This dude, Lyle, he’s cool.
I thought he was a penis,
But I was a dick.

And Bryan Bailey?
He’s a pretty weird fucker,
But I still like him.

april the fifth

you can’t control them
but you can control yourself
save your energy

staring up at me
parliament light 100s
was this a haiku?

cold brew, cold brew, yeah
i’m awash in its goodness
black nirvana mug

i pooped outside once
i ate too much granola
right before a run





December 2, 2007


It’s haiku time once again.  Hold on to your jock strap.

It’s Christmas again
just a yearly reminder
my family sucks

Christmas memories, part one
When I was seven
I asked for a transformer
And got a Go-Bot

Christmas memories, part two
Well, son of a bitch
My Go-Bot’s arm just fell off
And I just got it!

My Christmas wish
I want you, Matthew
Under my Christmas tree
Covered in ribbons

Tell your mom it’s never too late.  Tell her I’m in college now.  Tell her I’m responsible.

Your Easter bunny,