2018

November 10

Matthew,

I am riding in a cab to go out for the day. A few minutes ago, we drove past an alley. For whatever reason, I turned and looked down the alley, and somehow I managed to catch a man pissing by his car. One second later, we drove past a concrete statue of a nude man.

Now, I don’t know why the universe decided to show me two dicks like that, but it’s got me really wary of this day.

I’m going to try to just keep my eyes fixed forward.

Enjoy your day,

Pete

Sept. 29

Matthew,

I have been doing exactly what I want for a year now. I have been making decisions based on things I have wanted to try. Nothing has come out of anything I have tried so far.

But sometimes losing is what you need. Sometimes a defeat forces you to take a long look at your own playbook. Sometimes failure pushes you to the spot you couldn’t seem to end up in through any previous efforts.

You start to gain focus when you try and fail several times. You become familiar with the pitfalls. You become able to recognize obstacles sooner. Your response time becomes better.

You even learn how to take the hit. You learn how to tumble and absorb some of the shock. You can take bad news. You can still put on a brave face.

You learn to stand upright. You learn to disagree. You learn to work harder than the hardest working person. You learn contingency plans.

I think I’m ready now. Even if I’m not, I will move the ball farther down the field. I’ll get to that goal line. Then I’ll do it again. Even if I fail, my next attempt will be better.

-pjm

Sept 26

Matthew,

At the Mega Bangna mall again, stoned and feeling grateful. A few trips to the health stores and some late afternoon yoga are all that’s on the agenda.

As I was entering the mall, I passed a woman walking with her mother. The mother was probably in her sixties, but she carried herself with a great deal of delicacy and femininity.

The daughter was lovely, but looked tired. I think to myself all the time about how tired I am, but nobody is tired the way a mother is tired.

Two or three meters behind the mother-daughter duo was a man rolling in an electric scooter. Time seemed to have weighed more heavily on him, as his his graying skin and liver spots revealed. He seemed content to roll on his own, allowing the gals their time.

What a privilege it would be! For me to one day be rolling behind my daughter and her aged mother! To behold a life truly complete!

Shit, dude, I’m starting to tear up in the middle of this coffee shop.

I guess that’s all for now. I’m going to wander around and be alone with my thoughts.

Your friend,

Pete

September 25, 2018

 

Matthew,

I wonder who the song “Dirty Diana” was about. I kinda feel sorry for her for having to throw herself at everybody the way she does.

When I was a kid, I heard this song and wondered what it was about Diana that made the narrator in this song so powerless. The last verse of the song made it sound like Diana was in control and that Michael was locked in a tremendous battle of wills just to get out of there. It made me wonder what kind of person had that kind of power, especially if they were also dirty.

Furthermore, how did he escape? It sounds like Diana was still winning the battle of wills by the end of the song. He’s saying leave the door open, as if to suggest he’s going to be running away from somebody and will be bursting through the door and locking it behind him in some dramatic fashion. The song leaves you to wonder whether or not Dirty Diana got her way.

I wonder what Dirty Diana is up to these days.

With all Due Respect,

Pete

September 20

Matthew,

The older you get, the less you should think about yourself. I’m to the point where I’m actually thinking about people who have not yet been born. They need to have a better chance than I did. They need to know they are loved. They need braces. They need to listen to the Ramones.

I care a little less about old acquaintances, however. Were it not for the internet, I wouldn’t know about any of them anyways. The closer I grow to this family, the less I care about the rest of the world. I will always have people I love, admire, and bother on a regular basis, but so many mean so much less while a handful mean so much more.

Verily,

Step