April 21, 2014


i lied to somebody today.  a person in the elevator asked me where i was from, and i told them i was from norway.

i don’t know why i did it, matthew.  it’s not really like me to just saunter around speaking petty falsehoods.  i’ve grown up… at least a little, and i would like to think that i am above cheap deception for my own entertainment.

but i’m not.  that was all a load of tripe.  i enjoyed every second of lying to that person.  i’m still antisocial, man… that’s something i have not yet fully overcome.  i hate being accosted with questions at two in the morning when i’m just trying to get some laundry done.  sometimes, that little voice takes over and i mess with the people who penetrate my sphere.  i don’t wish that person any ill will.  i just wasn’t in the mood.  bobby brown was playing on the headphones and i was trying to let him give me a pep talk about taking control.

will i do it again?  probably.  i’ve grown quite fond of the thai, but every now and again i have to indulge my childish impulses.  i’ve grown since i moved here, but everybody knows that part of my charm is that i am completely full of crap.

honed and ready,

iron paul

house cerwyn


August 21, 2014


There’s nothing worse than having to void one’s bowels outside of their home, except for the ever-so-persistent female janitors that occupy every facility I have ever seen. Make no mistake, this method is efficient and pragmatic. The janitors clean everything the moment it is used, and they take their job very seriously. As such, the bathrooms here are all very clean.


I find it a little tough to concentrate when I know two women are hovering outside of my stall waiting for me to finish. It’s a bit unnerving. Today I was trying so hard just to get out of there, but two women were literally having a conversation outside of my stall.

While I applaud the efficiency of this approach, I am a guy who likes a bit of personal space. Granted, I am slowly becoming accustomed to the absence of personal space in situations like the subway and the grocery store, but this is a little beyond what I can take. I don’t see myself becoming accustomed to this any time soon, especially when at the end she began taking impatient swipes under the stall door with a mop.

Handle your business,



8 October 2014


If you were to ask me what three things I miss about America, I would say: personal space, Cracker Barrel, and Christianity.

Good day to you.



15 October 2014


In the ninth and final season of The Office, the powers-that-be decided to revisit an old cast member and give him a rather strange redemption. Roy, the stupid, ill-tempered, drunken warehouse worker reappears after five years in an episode where all of a sudden he is a completely reformed man. He even plays the fucking piano, Matthew. Now, I’m a believer that any man can turn his life around, but the problem is that they made him out to be completely unredeemable. We all know people like Roy: chronic blue collar fuckups who end up spending what little extra they are able to put in the bank on court fees. Those people don’t change. They keep fucking up and they keep remarrying. I don’t like what they did with Roy. It’s just too much of a stretch. There was no progression. He just magically decided to turn his life around.

I think I would have liked it better if somehow he had life or his well-being threatened. He didn’t learn from getting a DUI, so it would have to be something pretty drastic. I think a near-death experience is the only way to truly make Roy’s transformation believable. The episode is not only clunky and breaks the already tenuous story line, but it seems like an overly-sympathetic writer was just trying to tie up loose ends in a warm, fuzzy, satisfying way. That is such bullshit, man.

See ya,



16 October 2014


I don’t particularly care for how they handled Angela Martin’s character on The Office, either. There were some seriously strong anti-Christian undertones in who she was and how her life turned out. I’ve seen people similar to her, but the hypocrisy of her character was far too disproportionate. Furthermore, whoever took over the writing raked her over the damn coals in the final season, leaving her bedraggled and desperate.

But then… awwww, how sweet… the nice homosexual man who she constantly scrutinized took her in when things went belly-up. Actually, I didn’t mind that part of the story. It was a nice lesson on forgiveness. However, Angela was way too prudent to find herself without a home just because of a divorce. That part was stupid and detracted from the story.

To be honest, even the affair with Dwight seemed to be too far outside of the scope of what she was truly capable of. I know people like her, and they would never do something that terrible. They WOULD, however, sit back and judge the crap out of everybody and then one day realize that they haven’t made any friends. That’s the avenue they should have taken with her character. The rest was just a load of Christian-bashing bullshit, and I didn’t appreciate it at all.