2013

#287

October 5, 2013

Matthew,

I watched the ninth season of The Office today in its entirety, with the exception of the finale. I can’t bring myself to watch it end. It is my favorite show for so many reasons… and bear in mind I hate nearly everything on television.

Deep down, I think that the impulse to deny the end of the show is to deny endings in general. My life has been a series of endings and farewells, and I am getting a little tired of it.

How delightfully naïve, right? To deny the ending of a silly TV show as some sort of rebellion against the disjointed endings in my own life.

I’m just trying to stem the flow, old friend. I’m not even excited about leaving here where I am, even though I loathe this city. I’m not excited about finishing college and going out into the world. I’m too deep into adulthood now. I’ve been tucked away from the world for so long… I’m not sure how I am going to cope.

Furthermore, I have to say even more farewells. I’m going overseas and there is no telling what will happen. To be honest, I plan on staying gone. I need something as drastic as a leap to a foreign country, because nothing else has stuck. Tech school, military service, two or three near-engagements… I assume they never stuck because I wasn’t meant to stay in those places or marry those women. That’s only logical, right?

So at least I have control over this farewell. As the Netflix counter ticked away, I watched it bravely. Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen seconds until the next episode automatically plays. Do I have it in me this time? Do I finally have the courage to say goodbye to Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin and Creed?

No, I do not… and you know something? I really don’t care. Goodbyes are stupid, and heaven as my witness I’m going to figure out a way to stop it.

So here’s what I intend to do. Until I can come up with something else, I vow from this day forward to make sure that my farewells are not bitter. That seems reasonable, right?

Your friend,

Peter