#16

Baby Girl,

You need to read.  I don’t want to be one of those parents who dictate what your interests are, but I want you to find some kind of literature and attach yourself to it.  Reading fortifies your mind with a healthy imagination and curiosity.  It’s one of the things you can do for yourself as a defense from the tons upon tons of misinformation that people are going to be feeding you.  It’s a refuge that is always available to you.  Even now, your Dad is reading a series of books that he read as a teenager.  It’s some wizards and dragons stuff… might not be your cup of tea… but it puts me in a good place.

I’m also reading a history book.  I don’t ever go long without trying to learn about another culture or country.  Be curious about those things as well.  The curriculum in this country doesn’t even lightly brush over history, and even my own country is beginning to lessen the importance of it.  I don’t understand why people don’t want to know about people who lived before them.  Sometimes, I really believe that people simply think that we world starts and ends with them.

But I digress.

Be curious.  Never let what you know be good enough.  Screens are nice, but the thinking has all been done for you.  Take the time to let your own imagination build the worlds for your mind to retreat.  You’ll find that your brain does a much better job than any film director.

Read, little lady.  It will always serve you well.

Love, Dad

November 26, 2019

Matthew,

For whatever reason, I received an envelope in the mail containing several documents pertaining to my departed mother.  It was from my aunt, one of a few surviving relatives, and the only one who bothers to try and communicate with me at all.  Our communication is sporadic and often forced, but, to her credit, she tries harder than anyone else, and that includes my mother when she was still alive.

Which isn’t saying very much…

I didn’t even know my grandmother’s name.  That’s what kind of secrets my mother kept from me.  She even lied to me about how long she was married and when they were divorced.  It’s just one big drama that keeps unfolding, no matter how much distance I put between myself and them.  They continue to mess with me, even though they are all dead.

And why did my mother change these details?  What did she get out of it?  Was this just an over-correction for all the hurt she endured?  Or did she truly resent me, as the one reminder of the man she despised that she could not discard?

I dunno, man.  Shit like this wears me out.  I’m over here having a nice day, then some unannounced envelope shows up in the mail from an aunt who never really hammered out her guilt or how to handle the maltreated bastard.  In it are death certificates, divorce papers, and a grim reminder of my shitty origin story.  This family keeps pulling me back in, no matter how much I distance myself.

I guess we just see how it all plays out.  This grim parcel has fogged up my mood for the moment, but one glance around this large house filled with toys reminds me once again that I was scooped up and brought indoors.  To continue to resent certain people would be to miss out on enjoying all that has gone right in my life.

That doesn’t mean, however, that these things don’t bring me down.  I’m allowing myself to kinda feel shitty about it all.  I’m just not going to stay that way.  Again, to do so would be to squander this nice situation I am in.

So, fuck it… I guess.  I wish my aunt would communicate a bit more.  Zero plus one equals one, so any communication outside of these awkward and unannounced packages would be an improvement.  But what can you do?  She’s in her sixties.  People love using their age as a reason not to change.  If anything, that is what I continue to draw from my family.  I guess it’s up to me to be the one person who doesn’t turn out so shitty.

No pressure, right?

Girl, you know it’s true,
Pete

November 21, 2019

Matthew,

Eating pineapples seems to exacerbate incontinence.

Never drive in dangerous November tornadoes.

Karate is lame.

Let Henry interview Megan, so Edward loses face.

I’ll be loving you,
Pete

#15

Baby Girl.

You know, you just continue to impress me.  You have yet to arrive, but yet you are teaching two adults to sit down and work out their differences.

It’s weird, because ideologically, your mother and I are virtually the same.  It’s the difference in culture and background that tends to mess things up.  Our cultures couldn’t possible be any more different, and there are times when I wonder how we are ever going to find common ground.

But then we realize:  you are the common ground.

That’s all I really need to know for now.  I am convinced that there is no ideal marriage.  I don’t even think there are that many marriages that are held together by very much more than the desire to not face this world alone.  I’d like to think that your mother and I have a little more in common than that.  I think we just have a lot of digging deep to do, and I think that as this year comes to a close and we come closer to the day of your arrival, we will both begin putting more things on the shelf that will impede the happiness and functionality of the home we want to provide for you.

Thanks again for all the lessons, little princess.  As always, I can’t wait to meet you.

Love, Dad

#14

Baby Girl,

I just want you to know that you don’t have to like what other people like.  When I was younger, everybody was into those Austin Powers movies, and I thought they were stupid.  I was a teenager, and a vulgar one at that, and I still found the humor to be cheap and juvenile.

And don’t get me started on how many years I had to smile through people quoting those horrible movies.

It’s not that I thought people were stupid, per se, but I wondered if they all truly liked that movie.  Sometimes people just go along with things, even when they are stupid (remind me to talk to you about the Macarena one day).

Inversely, you can like something, even when nobody else around you may like it.  I still catch a fair amount of guff for enjoying the musical stylings of Canada’s greatest reggae artist, the one and only Snow, but I stand my ground.  I like what I like, and I’m not moving from this spot.

Just be yourself, little princess.  You don’t have to go along with things, just because other people like them.  People aren’t often honest about their preferences and opinions, anyways.  Sure, you may experience a little bit of ostracism for doing your own thing, but once you get a bit older, you will be thankful that you don’t have a group of friends who all simply follow the trends.

Anyways, it was nice seeing you on the screen on Monday.  Your mother and I are enjoying watching your progress very much.

Love, Dad

#13

Baby Girl,

You’ve got me doing all sorts of weird things already!  Just yesterday I talked with a friend for half an hour about baby clothes, medicine, and poop.  I also talked with your mother about finding the right diaper pail.  There are times that I barely recognize myself.

And that’s a good thing.  My old self was ugly.  My old self was barely able to see past his own frustrations on a day to day basis, let alone step outside of his own bubble and consider the needs of a person who hasn’t even arrived yet.

If this is me now, then so be it.  I’ll always be punk rock deep down, but people need to grow up… at least a little.  I believe it should be a decade-to-decade shedding of old skin, so to speak.  Besides, I know plenty of people older than I am who have not caught up with their own age, and it is not pretty.

I imagine you won’t have a problem with that, though.  Your dad is pretty childish, and to be honest, so is your mom.  With your mom it’s different, however.  She’s just so much less jaded than any other adult I have ever met.  I’d say “childlike” is more accurate with her.  In fact, I think you’ll grow up with a healthy imagination because of the two of us.  I also think you’ll end up being more serious than me for the sake of your own sanity.

And that’s good, because you’re dad got gypped out of a few things growing up, and he’s got a whole lot of rectifying to do.  It may be frustrating at times, so hopefully I can observe your growth and development and do a little growing along with you.  I think that is the way it should go.

I’m impressed.  You’re already teaching me things.  Even your ultrasound image is influencing me.  I’m already so very, very proud of who you are.  It will be a wonderful experience to grow and learn alongside of you.

Love ya, girly.  Talk soon.

Dad

November 7, 2019

Matthew,

The internet really does bring out our darkest selves.  I watched a video of a mother cat adopting a bunch of ducklings, and was completely shocked to find out how much bitching and arguing people did in the comments.  Furthermore, the number of “down-votes” was staggering.

Who takes the time to do these things?  What kind of person sits there and says fuck this thing and clicks some kind of negative button on an arbitrary website?  Who argues about cats and ducklings with other strangers? 

Jesus, Matthew, are people all really that unhappy?  Pot is fucking legal, and you people are STILL at each other’s throats!  When did you all become just so awful?

I’ve got not solution.  Most of us need the internet.  We don’t need the extra shit, like Facebook, however.  I think eventually there will be an exodus from these things once people finally realize how bad it is all getting.  Reason may take a while to kick in, but it generally does.

Right?

High-five,
Pete

#12

Baby girl,

It’s late, and I’m pretty tired from another full day, but this thought came into my mind and I feel like it is worth jotting down.  I’ll spare you the context and my normal wordiness and get straight to the point:

Show compassion towards those with less, and do not envy those with more.

There.  I actually did it.  I said what I wanted to say, and I ended it.  I bet your mother wishes I would do that more often.

Still, a promise is a promise.  I’m outta here.

Love, Dad

11-6-19

Matthew,

People like to brag when they visit some place else.  I live some place else, so I fucking win.

Yatta,
Pete

#11

Baby girl,

There aren’t too many things that you could do that would truly disappoint me, but there is one behavior that would greatly upset me if you were to do it.  It is a pervasive habit in this country, and it is something that very nearly sends me into a rage every time I see it.

I’m speaking, of course, of wearing sunglasses indoors.

Please don’t be that person, sweetheart.  There is no reason to do something so overtly obnoxious.  It screams to the world that you think much too highly of yourself.

There are two exceptions to this:  the sunglasses are a part of a Halloween costume, or your are fresh off of laser eye surgery.  Other than that, please remove your sunglasses and put them in your purse, your pocket, or even hang them off of your shirt.

Just don’t be that person.  I’m counting on you.

Love, Dad