I have no idea what the balls people are saying on the internet.  There is an entire parlance, vocabulary, and set of jokes that I am just not privy to.  I’ll watch a video sometimes and get curious about the comments, but when I read some of them not only can I not always understand what is being said, but I cannot for the life of me even fathom where this weird crap comes from.

I had a buddy who bought into ‘internet culture’ when it was new, and I see what it has done to him.  Now he completely exists online, communicating almost exclusively in weird shorthand and using these strange inside jokes as if I too am in on it.  The internet has sanded down his brain and blanded up his personality.

Maybe that’s why you can’t talk to people.  They’ve spent so long now communicating exclusively online and with these weird, ever-shifting vocabularies, and now they have no idea what the building blocks of conversation are.

What a great time to be antisocial.




The fish are holding steady now.  After losing something like 80% of the population, the bowls are clean and free of disease, and the fish are happily eating and banging.

Yes, as it turns out, guppies and mollies take their Old Testament charge of going forth and being fruitful very seriously.  I’m scooping out fry nearly every day in order to repopulate a bowl that was devastated by sickness.  I’m not exactly sure how to slow them down, however.  I might have to open my own store.

In other news, you are a bald idiot.  I want to dropkick your genitals and push you down some stairs.

I guess that’s all.  My cat is rifling through the garbage can for chicken bones.  I’m going to have to power bomb his furry ass for stepping out of line.

You are in my heart, Matthew.




Several times a week, I watch a woman wiping down her new truck.  She wipes it down for so long and with such intensity that I can’t help but wonder if it’s all a ritual or if she really does see dust, dirt, and water spots.  She does it predictably almost every day, however, so I really doubt this is anything other than some pride of ownership taken too far.  I would not be the slightest bit surprised to find her just rolling around naked on it one day.

I hate the love of stuff, Matthew.  There’s a brand new middle class here, and the kinds of obnoxious / selfish behaviors can be comical at times, but mostly infuriating.

Case in point, my wife and I were at a coffee shop interviewing a potential tutoring client, and I watched these three young ladies go all over that tiny cafe taking photos of themselves.  The whole blessed store, Matthew.  And they did not care at all that we chose an outside table to be away from them and handle our business.  In fact, we chose the table to be out of their way.  I motioned sort of a WTF shrug to one of them, but they never broke character.  They only flashed a slight frown for half a second, and went back to posing.

Don’t mistake me.  They didn’t interrupt us.  I was more fascinated by the narcissism and love of self.  These girls very deliberately put on nice clothes and were posing all over the place.  It was so obnoxious.

It’s weird how quickly a country that has only started emerging has immediately begun aping Western behavior.  My wife literally bathed outside until she was in middle school.  They are just now emerging.  It’s depressing how gratitude is so quickly thrown out of the window, as well as a lack of regard for your neighbor (the truck-lover parks in front of our house… forgot to mention that).

Am I getting preachy again?  Have I become a self-righteous prick?  I honestly don’t think so.  I’m just getting older and noticing more things.  I obviously have enough going for me here that these things don’t drive me off.

And they shouldn’t.  My life is in no way affected by all of this.  All I’m saying is that it doesn’t really bode well for this country if they are so quickly becoming materialistic and vain.  It just reflects both a lack of gratitude and serves as a warning that behaviors are going to become more and more obnoxious and intrusive.

I don’t know how to close this letter.  I don’t have a solution or a moral platitude to offer.  I’m just disappointed to know that I might not be able to hole up here indefinitely.  Somebody needs to buy the rights to one of my books and make a movie so I can get a little land and a little space.  I’m growing more and more irritable by the day.

Wait a sec.  I think we have a few Valium somewhere.  I think I’m going to go check.

Screw you,

July 12, 2019


My fish are croaking left and right.  It looks like an outbreak of dropsy.  I moved the guppies out, as only the mollies and danios seem to be getting sick, and I’ve been trying to change out the water a little at a time.

I can’t really come up with an easy way to handle this.  I need to quarantine these little bastards and clean out this tub.  After that, it needs a proper filter and a better layer of substrate.

It’s not that I mind the work, but it’s going to be frustrating finding new fish at the top of the bowl until this crap is under control.  There’s even a chance that the whole crop of mollies is going to die off.  I’m seeing signs of fungus and fin rot on half of them in spite of frequent water changes and medicating them.

This was supposed to be a relaxing hobby.  Now I’m giving last rites and sending letters to families every stupid day.  Throw guppies in a mud puddle and they live five years.  Bring in one sick molly and the whole lousy bowl goes belly-up in a week.

It’s not like there are any licensed pet stores in Thailand (it’s not that there’s licensed anything in Thailand).  The plants often come with snails, and the fish often come with underlying diseases.  Guppies seem to have the fewest problems, but I did lose a handful of them to stress when I first brought them home.

But I’m going to fix this.  My whole yard is going to be filled with these ridiculous mini-ponds if I am not careful, but this is my new hobby and I take it very seriously.  Even my wife will be jumping in on this rescue mission, as she will have a few days off following the weekend.  It’ll be some dirty, sweaty work as we approach the peak of the humid season, but MC Hammer was not a quitter, and neither am I.

Too legit,

July 11, 2019


I get chills every time I hear a young Bjork sing “Birthday.”  If that chorus doesn’t get you right in the gut, you are a soulless human being.

Music truly does soothe the savage beast.


July 2, 2019


There is an aged man out working in my yard.  No, he didn’t sneak in here.  My wife hired him to clear out a bunch of old plants and trees so I can finally do the work in the yard I have wanted to do for about two years now.  Once he cuts down the trees, I can get in and start my projects, namely growing a few ginger plants and a lime tree.  We’ll have a damn cold remedy right in our yard.

But as I went outside to feed my decidedly spoiled guppies, I realized that my dish of fancy fish foods and water treatments cost just about the same as we are paying this man to cut down several trees.  Stuff like that messes with me.  So much so, in fact, that once I finished feeding my ungrateful scaled companions, I scurried down the street to buy this man lunch and a few different beverages.

Sometimes this whole Thailand trip is just so surreal.  Here I am, sitting in this big, beautiful home, while this old man is on his hands and knees pulling up roots and performing other tasks that I am either too banged up to perform or simply don’t want to do.

I find it impossible to complain about my life.  I’ll do it on occasion, but rarely (if ever) will I complain about what I have.  It’s part of the reason I don’t participate in any online social media nonsense.  I get so fucking tired of seeing what the first world considers to be problematic.  If people only knew the kind of social class discrepancies existed outside of their little bubble.  I’d like to think that nobody would bitch about simple things like smart phones or the commander-in-chief.

And I’d love to take those people to task, but it’s like spitting at the rain.  Besides, I’ve better things to do, like video games and yoga.  I’m going to do both this afternoon after I polish off another homemade edible.

Sah-mooches, yo.